When I recognized that I had done everything I knew to do, and still there was a force of suffering alive in me, I cried out my despair into the Universe.
In my despair I grew out every thought, every feeling, every everything that came up, and I prayed.
The great benefit of that prayer turned out to be that it brought me to a teacher who said, “Stop everything, just stop, let go and let God.”
I was like “What???? What do you mean stop everything and let go, should I just lay down and do nothing?” My mind raced, I freaked out. I was taught to take action, action causes reaction, causes change, the only sure way to change your life is to take action.
It had always worked like that.
But taking action hadn’t gotten me anywhere this time around. I was still doing the same thing, over and over, expecting a different outcome. So maybe that teacher had a clue? I made the decision to try the advise the teacher gave me. Well, I sort of gave in, there was nothing left I hadn’t tried, this was the only thing I hadn’t tried, so nothing lost there if it goes south, right?
So I finally stopped, became still, opened my self and let happen what needed to happen. That was the hardest thing. It wasn’t nice at all, it scared me most of the time, it was a huge leap of faith into the unknown zone. I hung in there. And after a while I realized something new: I flew. When I really understood and intrinsicly felt in my whole being what “Stop everything” meant, I flew. I flew, amazing.
And I still fly. Stop everything to me meant stop trying to escape, stop trying to be somebody, stop trying to get away, stop trying to survive, stop trying to be safe, stop trying to get something, stop trying to keep something away, stop trying to control your life, stop trying, stop trying, stop…. trust. To stop actually means, “trust and be(come) still.” Enjoy the silence and let go. So I stop myself on a daily basis now. Even if only for a quarter of an hour. I stop, become still and open myself. And at that moment the magic kicks in. And in the stillness all is born. It amazes me, leaves me in wonder.