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Saying goodbye to the old and in with the new: gratitude is here.
And oh my I am so very good at new year’s writings…… I just re-read the ones from the past 4 years and the funny part, it not only said something about my past year, somehow it also predicted how the coming year would unfold.
2014:
When the holiday season came nearer and nearer and certain relatives started pushing because they were expecting me to make an annual appearance, I felt a sense of increasing dread.
I procrastinated in planning and making appointments.
Somehow I allowed the expectations and demands of my family members to be the source of my feelings of unhappiness and stress, when what I really wanted was to be authentically myself and at peace with my relatives. To be with the ones I want to be with…but how to do that in peace?
The conflict seems too often to be a choice between being authentic, which means risking no peace with certain relatives, or, having peace at the price of being inauthentic.
Being peaceful and authentic can define my relationship with my relatives, yes?
First, though, I had to assess my relationship with the closest relative of all—ME.
In order to change the nature of family relationships, I had to change my mind about them and consider that * I * am the source of the anguish in my relationships, rather than the individual whom I’ve pegged as the most outrageous or the most infuriating.
Over the years, all of these individuals have been treating me exactly as I’ve allowed them to with my reactions and behaviors.
This miraculously started to change when I chose to be at peace with everyone in my life—most particularly, my relatives, even if I don’t see them or if they are not a large part of my life.
If the focus of my inner dialogue about my family members is on what they’re doing wrong, then that’s precisely how I will experience my relationship with them.
If my inner speech centers on what’s annoying about them, that’s what I’ll notice.
Instead I chose to change the way I look at things, when I start thinking, I am authentic and peaceful with this relative, then that’s what I’ll experience—even if that relative continues to be exactly the way he or she has always been.
The key to having peace in all my (family) relationships is FORGIVENESS. I forgive them, I forgive myself. I forgive myself is the best gift to me.
My relatives are simply doing what they’ve been taught to do over a lifetimes, I choose to shower them with my forgiveness from my heart, not saying it out loud perse. Rather than being in a state of non-peace concerning any family members, I say a prayer of gratitude for their presence in my life and all that they have come to teach me. Even if I don’t like the lessons, or the way they are presented, I can choose to hold on to the blessings.
I changed how I look at things and even if they don’t change, and if they continue nonpeaceful ways, again I let go of my need to see them transformed. Even if that means that, taking my responsibility and setting my loving boundaries, will result in me not seeing them for a while. This works in my and your life as well…and in the end…. from my inside to my outside world,it all starts with YOU (me).